Discover The Ultimate Relationship Technique
May 03, 2020
There’s so much advice in the world on how to make other people like us.
“Use their name often in conversation. People like hearing their own name.”
“Match and mirror their body movements and voice tone to get rapport. People like people who remind them of themselves.”
“Never talk about religion or politics. Focus conversations on FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams).”
Of course there’s so much more.
But are these good pieces of advice? I don’t know.
How have they worked for you?
My results have always been so-so when trying to get someone to like me using any sort of prescibed method.
The mysterious process that makes one human being like another almost seems too complex to reduce to a technique like using someone’s name while talking to them.
I think there has always been a simple element missing.
What is the most fundamental aspect of any relationship where two people like each other?
That’s it. Everything else is built on top of that.
To me, that is the single greatest key to all relationships.
You don’t need special techniques. You don’t need manipulative methods of persuasion.
You just need warm feelings going both ways.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t have anything in common with someone. It doesn’t matter if opposites attract. It doesn’t matter if you are “growing apart”.
If there are warm feelings, then you have a foundation for a strong relationship in any situation.
It might be easiest to see in its opposite form: cold feelings.
Have you ever had someone make you feel bad because they don’t think you spend enough time with them?
Maybe you don’t visit enough. Maybe you don’t call enough, or you don’t respond to their messages on time.
When you do finally visit, call, send a message, what’s the first thing they usually do?
“Why haven’t you called me?”
“I’ve been sending you messages, why don’t you respond to me faster?”
“Wow, look who it is. Can’t remember the last time I saw you. You’re always too busy to visit.”
Those create cold feelings in us, and they’re relationship enders.
Who wants to be around someone who makes you feel bad when you’re in the middle of doing the thing that they’re complaining you never do?
It there are not warm feelings in an interaction, than we’re not likely to want to come back for more, regardless of what we might have in common.
On the other hand, when we’re around people that accept us, take an interest in us, and don’t pass judgement, we thrive.
We have the power to bring that to other people whenever we want to—and that warmth will make them like us.
Yes, it can sometimes be hard to do this, but if you find yourself not getting what you want out of a relationship, maybe its worth throwing out the ideas of who’s right and wrong and instead focus on plain old warmth.
If you’re struggling in a relationship in any way…
It doesn’t matter if it’s with a co-worker, family member, friend, intimate partner, neighbor, client, boss…
Forget about the logic of who is right and wrong and just focus on feeling and creating warm feelings the next time you talk.
Be warm, accepting, non-judgemental and see what happens.
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